Harry Potter vs. Frodo Baggins in one of the best conversations in history.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: FML
Stranger: What’s wrong?
You: NOTHING, GOD
You: YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND
Stranger: Then why the hell did you say FML?
You: it’s just this whole voldemort trying to kill me thing, plus dumbledore’s dead so there goes my VIP membership at the strip club
You: it’s suuUUCHHhHh a hassle
Stranger: God. You’re such a pussy.
You: hold up
You: do you even know who you’re talking to?
You: i’m HARRY POTTER
Stranger: Wah, wah. Voldemort’s trying to kill me. Oh, let me go hide behind Dumbledore. Oh no, Dumbledore’s gone! Let me hide in a tent for a year. Wah, wah. You make me sick.
Stranger: You know who I am?
Stranger: Frodo fucking Baggins.
You: who?
Stranger: Oh my god. Really?
Stranger: How did literature get so messed up?
Stranger: I’m the original hard ass.
Stranger: While you were hosting teabagging parties in that stupid tent of yours, I was suffering from starvation and hallucinations in the Mountains of Mordor.
You: snore
You: is there any vag in this story cause i’m bored already
Stranger: No, pansy, there isn’t.
Stranger: Not in my story, because I spent most of it being hunted by flying Nazgul, being chased by giant spiders, orcs, and Balrogs, and blindly following a creature called Gollum throughout enemy territory all while going insane by the power and weight of the One Ring.
Stranger: And all you did is dance around at the Yule Ball and cry about Voldemort, who isn’t even that threatening.
Stranger: You know what Sauron is? He’s an eye. You think Voldemort putting dreams in your head is scary? Imagine carrying Voldemort around your neck at all times and you’ll know what I went through.
Stranger: What the hell have you done that’s so commendable?
You: i’ve done
You: stuff
You: like
You: loads of stuff
Stranger: Really.
You: YEAH
You: like this one time
You: my fatass aunt was like
You: YOUR MOM’S A BITCH
You: and i was like
You: DID I SAY YOU COULD LEAVE THE KITCHEN
You: and i reached back like a pimp and i slapped the ho
You: and like blew her up
You: with my MIND
Stranger: Astounding.
You: oh my goooood, i don’t have to prove myself to you, man
You: i’m super hard, too
You: i had to carry around a horcrux one time
Stranger: I’m sure the five minutes you carried it were such agony. You’re definitely a changed man now, I bet.
You: omfg you didn’t even have to play the hero, you just dove right in there
You: “oh, gaydolf, pick me!! i will take it!! i’m a little fudge packer!!”
You: i was FORCED to do this. like, this frizzy-haired vagina bitch was like “NEITHER WILL LIVE WHILE THE OTHER SURVIVES”
You: you think i’m dumb enough to refuse my destiny?
Stranger: Boo hoo, what a scary prophecy! I’m so scared!
Stranger: You know what I had to live with?
Stranger: One ring to rule them all
Stranger: One ring to find them
Stranger: One ring to bring them all
You: and in the darkness teabag them
Stranger: I fucking hate you.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Holy shit. Best convo EVER.
